new year, new me.

If I have learned anything this year, it’s that I truly am incomplete. I will never know the right thing to say when the time calls. I have never had the courage to go after the things I wanted. I have empty spaces inside of me marked with either a giant X or a question mark, and I don’t always understand even the good within my sou. 

I have learned I can draw inward when I am afraid, confused, and insecure. I can grab a microscope and examine my demons as is. 

I have learned that I’m just as dirty as the next person and loneliness has just been a state of mine. I have learned that I graze my fingertips on pain I thought I let go of just because I want something to feel again. That the darkness inside of me is real and has been called out by name. Names that say “I’m here” loud and proud like a child with perfect school attendance. 

I have learned the art of being self-aware 24/7 and that is my power. I know the next 365 days with this power there will also be responsible. I have been given another year, another chance at wholeness, completeness. Another shot to run a race and make it to the finish line, all limbs in tact.

-a.s